Momma knows best
by Unable-Unbelievable
Summary: She's always been told that boys are only going to break your heart and therefor you must throw the ball before it's even thrown. That way you escape the pain that might've come.


**Momma knows best  
><strong>

She's always been told that boys are only going to break your heart and therefor you must throw the ball before it's even thrown. That way you escape the pain that might've come.

It's easy, break before you get broken. Run before you've been outrun. Leave before you've been left.

Her mom had told her several of stories.

And it always ended up the same. Either her mom was left heartbroken, or completely scammed.

Her mom had a fair share of mans in her life. Telling her just about the same thing, that they loved her, cherished her, want to be with her until the end of times.

Always the same bullshit.

Always the same ending.

Different middles, different characters. But always, _always_, the same ending.

* * *

><p>During her mothers third marriage she had fallen pregnant of one beautiful, and might she say very talented young girl. With big brown eyes and a smile that could've made the freaking north pool melt down.<p>

Her daughter had the voice of an angel. A sweet pitch that could carry mountains. A sound that could melt every heart that was near.

And she had never been happier in her entirely lifetime.

Having this child she was positive, hundred percent sure (she could even bet her whole Broadway career on this), that her current husband was a keeper. A man of his words. He had soul and heart, and told the sweetest things a woman would fall for.

He was real.

But appearances are deceitful.

He had fallen inside the hands of her understudy. A pretty blond haired young female who wasn't even in her late twenties. With large (obviously) fake boobs, and a smile that had botox written all over it.

That was the day that Shelby had written men out of her lists.

Not entirely though.

She had just entitled herself to never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever fall for one again.

She was going to play their game, and see what makes it so fun to play.

She already knew the rules, knew the acts. And experience came with a golden ribbon.

Nevertheless her heartbreaks, torture she has had to endured and her fatherless child, she wanted her beautiful baby to have never experienced something like that too. Shelby would rather die and crawl within a deep dark whole then to see her baby fall into the hands of the despicable opposite human race and break her down like a little piece of glass.

* * *

><p>At an early age Shelby had told her five year old daughter about men. She had explained just what for manipulating, disgusting and awful creatures they were.<p>

And granted, at first her daughter was scared of the tales she had said (and perhaps she had turned a few words around and made it sound far more scarier then it actually went) but that was presumably her only way to tell her daughter how messed up mans could be. And just what they were after.

Booty and money.

Shelby thought that it was a better idea to tell her daughter about the painful truths of man soon, before she grew up and knew everything to late.

* * *

><p>Shelby had taken Rachel often to her sham practices. Showed her daughter just how to snatch a man, and break him along the way.<p>

Once her daughter asked her, during a warm bath inside her bathtub. Soap bubbles surrounded around their naked bodies, as she cleaned up her little innocent child. Bathing her in all her glory.

She had asked, ''when do you exactly dump a guy?'' She sounded curious, her head tossed back, as Shelby sat behind her and washed the soap out of her brown strands. ''How do you possibly know that it's the right time to dump him?''

Shelby dreaded her fingers through Rachel's hair. Moving her fingers down and letting little droplets of water fall inside the tub. She pursed her lips as she thought about it. Wanting to tell her daughter just precisely when the time was perfect.

''I guess,'' she paused, thinking hard. ''When you feel yourself falling in love.'' She nodded to herself, agreeing with her own words. ''That's when you know that you're in it way to deep, and need to let go.''

''Why then?'' Her daughter continued asking, her little fingers playing inside the soap covered water tub.

''Because that's the moment that they think they have you, and you need to prove them other wise.''

Rachel nodded, slowly and softly. ''But what if..'' She swallowed, fingers stopping midway inside the tub. ''What if they fall first?''

''Then you break up with them, out of the blue.'' Shelby smiled. ''You need to find a way to hurt them, first.''

Rachel didn't understand it.

Why in Barbra Streisand name should she hurt them, if they haven't done anything to ache her?

''If you do that,'' but apparently her mother understood her silent demeanor. ''They won't get the chance to hurt you.''

''What if they don't want to do that at all?''

Shelby shook her head, her fingers stopping their movement at washing her daughters hair. ''They always do, Rachel.'' She paused, inhaling softly. ''Always.''

* * *

><p>Break before you get broken, was the first sentence inside her sixteen year old mind.<p>

Hurt before you get hurt, was the second thing she had known when she stepped into her first day of school.

And run before you get outrun, was the third thing that flashed through her mind, when her brown eyes collided with a tall long boy. A sheepish grin on his face, his shape a bit clumpy, but his eyes showing nothing but admiration.

He was cute. And his attention was solely on her.

She smiled back.

And then, her mothers face flashed into her mind, and she kinda felt nauseous all together.

* * *

><p>Her mother never stayed on one place. She loved running away. Going to other places when she was done shamming a guy.<p>

It was her go to go card.

During her latest husband, numbero six, he was particular rich. Her mom had moved her to Lima Ohio where she was going to attend a new school.

Rachel was never one who would dress like a total hussy, or a bimbo like the girls of her former schools. She felt good in her skin wearing plaid and animal sweaters.

But her mother wanted her to have at least a bit of appeal with man, so she could make them suffer, just for the kick.

(she never got a kick out of it)

That's how her eyes fell onto Finn Hudson, and his eyes fell onto hers. In the middle of a hallway, in a awful school with haters and clicks.

* * *

><p>He approaches her during Spanish class, choosing to sit next to her.<p>

He gives her a half smile she was sure about that he used on many other girls. Before sitting down.

She smiles back, of course. Being her politely raised self.

''I'm Finn. And.. I didn't see you in freshman year.''

She takes it that he isn't the smartest kid around the block.

''Yes.'' She still smiles back. ''I'm new. My name is Rachel Berry.''

It's like he has fallen for her already. His eyes are glassy, and his smile just widens even more.

''So, do you like, have any hobbies?''

She nods, liking it that he wants to know about who she is first. ''Yes. I enjoy singing, acting and often dance.''

He's a bit surprised, and then looks eagerly back at her. ''You like singing?'' She nods back at him. ''You should join glee club. 'Cause.. Well we suck. And maybe you could lighten it up.''

She's giggling a bit, and tells him she will think about it. His crooked half smile widens, and she's positive that she would enjoy seeing that smile very often.

* * *

><p>He asks her out after two weeks of talking together and getting to know one another.<p>

He's polite and sweet, and holds the door for her when she agrees on that very same day.

She tells her mom after closing the engine of her car and arriving home.

Her mother isn't all too happy, but she is glad that Rachel will be seeing just how horrendous boy's can be.

* * *

><p>They go out on a Saturday evening and he's this gentleman that she only expected to see on TV. Because of the stories her mother has told her about guy's she has never even expected that a boy could be so sweet.<p>

But then she remembers just what her mother had told her precisely.

_They push you up, intent to catch you, but then let you fall._

She thinks that her mother is right, and that's why she fakes a smile during the rest of the evening.

* * *

><p>They hang out for another two weeks, and he lets her meet his best friends.<p>

A boy named Sam Evans, who is very cute might she say. A sweet Asian boy who dances like she has never seen anybody dance before, and this boy named Noah Puckerman who's name she had heard countless of times during her time at this school. And apparently he wasn't very nice at all.

It bothers her just a bit that, that particularly not nice boy gives her a once over and then smirks back at Finn, who just glares at him.

She doesn't know why, but she starts to understand just what her mother was talking about when she had said that boy's are only out for booty.

* * *

><p>He asks her to be his girlfriend three day's later after meeting his friends.<p>

And she agrees, hesitantly in front of her porch.

Finn doesn't seem to see her hesitation and kisses her full blown on the mouth.

She feels weak on the knees, and wraps her arms around him. She needs something steady to hold her on her ground and carry her through life.

(she doesn't think that he will be the one to do that, though.)

* * *

><p>Finn tells her he loves her after their one month anniversary.<p>

And she's scared to say the least.

Because this is the red light in front of her eyes, moving right and left, right and left, back and forth, back and forth, down and up, down and up, and doing the same routine faster and faster until she finally understands the meaning and takes this as her cue to leave.

She's going to leave.

* * *

><p>She kisses Noah Puckerman a week after Finn's dedication.<p>

It's probably a full make out session, but what ever.

Finn finds out from Quinn Fabray, who had caught them in the act in the janitors room. And Rachel knew all the time during their relationship that Quinn had a secret hate for her, and a secret love for Finn.

She's not surprised when she hears it was Quinn.

She's not shocked when Quinn smiles at her.

She's not angry or sad when Finn breaks up with her

(probably because she wasn't in love, and he was)

She _is_ shocked when Finn's fist collides with Noah's chin, and they fight over her.

She isn't sorry when she walks out of the doors of McKinley leaving both boy's to fall in their own misery and on to her house.

* * *

><p>She starts dating this kid from the base ball team five day's after 'Finchel's' infamous break up.<p>

He's just as sweet as Finn, and he likes her just as much. Even so, more.

He's got brown straight hair, and muscle you could bake pancakes on and they would still taste just as sweet.

Rachel's not surprised when he also tells her he loves her weeks later.

She isn't surprised of her own acts when she tells him two day's later that they should see other peoples.

She uses the most famous quote of all times, the well known words of history and present. ''It's not you, it's me.''

He's even more broken after that.

* * *

><p>Finn is angry and heads to her in the hallway. His fists are clenched and his jaw is painfully tight.<p>

She is standing in front of her locker, wearing a too short skirt, that she even feels uncomfortable in. And a tank top with a hoodie over it. Her hair is curly along her face, and she looks so damn beautiful. It's like she came out of a model magazine.

''I can't believe you!'' He screams a bit, standing next to her.

She moves her face towards him, closing her locker and looking just as bored as she did since she came through those doors. ''What?''

''I can't believe you.'' She's waiting for him to clarify, and he does. ''We broke up, like a few weeks ago, and you're already dating somebody else.''

She looks confused.

Because that relationship between her and that somebody else has long ago sailed.

''We already broke up.''

He looks confused, shocked, angry, and even more shocked. ''W-what?''

''Yeah. It wasn't working.''

He shakes his head, disbelief floating through his puppy dog eyes. ''That's wrong Rachel, even for you.''

Like he knows her at all.

''Anything else?'' He shakes his head even more, his eyes still attached to hers.

He wants to understand her. She can see it.

But he can't.

So he walks away.

She let's her eyes follow him down the hallways. She let's her eyes stare at his back.

And just when she's about to turn away, she sees one of his best friends standing just there down the hall. Looking at her confused, and even a bit disappointed.

His name is Sam, she thinks. Because she remembers his blond hair and those lips and gorgeous eyes from anywhere.

* * *

><p>She meets this talent older boy during one of her singing contests, her mother had dragged her to. And she is glad that her mother did so.<p>

The room was cladded with so many colors, so much happiness and smiles. Colors of the rainbow, eyes lighten up like sunshine. And talented people all together holding on to those smiles that could bring down a hunter holding his gun at an innocent animal.

Rachel felt sorry, knowingly that she was about to wipe all those smiles of their faces with her talent.

And so she did. On that very stage, she blew every one of them away. With her magnificent pitch she held everyone in awe.

Her large show smile grin had finished the deed.

And her mother has never been more happier in her life.

As Rachel existed the stage, joy leaving her body like waves. This boy approached her with just a bit more attitude than she could muster.

His curly hair was hanging loosely around his face, and his clothing style was well, nice.

He smiled, cheekily, sweetly and reached for her hand, kissing on top of it. Causing her to blush.

Her mother stared back, confused, but also a bit amused.

''I'm Jesse st. James.'' He said. ''And _you_ just blew me away.''

She straightened up her posture and took her hand out of his. ''That was also my intention.''

Jesse smiles, eyes full with happiness. ''I like you.''

Her smile brightened.

And the amused facial expression her mother held, faded.

* * *

><p>They hang out after that. Many, many times. And she finds out that they have a lot in common. Both striving for the dream to be on Broadway, both have the love for acting, singing, dancing. And would do anything to behold that dream, and let everybody fall if they even so much tried to take that dream away.<p>

She found herself liking him more then she should have.

She found herself falling.

* * *

><p>Sam Evans comes to her one day during lunch.<p>

She's sitting with Kurt and Mercedes because they had clicked the very first day of McKinley. Although she and Kurt's stepbrother had ended things a bit roughly and are still trying hard not to look at each other (well he's trying hard). That however still didn't stop the two diva's from becoming good close friends.

Sam stops right in front of their table, and looks at her pointedly.

She knows that he wants to ask her something, but she wants him to open up his mouth first before she makes movement.

He kinda waits there like a lost puppy and Mercedes just thinks that it's enough.

''Is there something wrong Sam?'' He gives Mercedes a quick glance before refocusing on Rachel.

''I-I just needed to talk to Rachel.''

She feels Kurt and Mercedes judging eyes pierce her. Wanting to hear how and when she has met Sam Evans.

Truth is, she doesn't know him.

''Why do you need to discourse with me Sam. Surely I have done nothing wrong, right?''

He blinks a bit, mouth agape. ''No.. Just..'' He sighs. Taking a seat next to her and looking at her. ''I heard that you were dating Jesse st. James.''

Kurt and Mercedes literally gasp.

And she's confused now.

''What is it to you?'' She isn't dating him, but she would like to know Sam's reasons though.

''He's a student in Carmel, like, our enemies. How could you date him, of all the people?'' He sounds a bit jealous, or is her hearing playing tricks on her?

She rolls her eyes instead. ''No, I'm not dating him. And if I was, I wouldn't care if he were to be in the opposite schooling that happened to be our enemies.''

Kurt gasps harder, and slams his hand hard on the lunch table, causing everybody around them to look in their direction.

Kurt doesn't even look at all ashamed. Either angry. ''You don't care Rachel? He's our freaking enemy.'' He shouts, whispers. ''He's only going to play you to get to our glee club's set list.''

She hadn't even joined their glee club in the first place.. So, _what the hell_?

''I'm not in glee club.'' She tells them matter of fact.

''Wouldn't stop them to try.'' Sam pitches in. ''He probably knows that you know people from glee club.''

No he doesn't. She never talked to him about it.

''No.. Believe me, he doesn't.''

''Are you falling for him?'' Mercedes asks her. And she looks on confused. ''Like.. Really?''

She wants to answer with a no, but the words die in her throat.

''Guy's only want one thing, Rachel..'' Kurt pipes in. ''He's only going to hurt you.''

And that hits her like a rocket ship heading for the moon, comes at her like a Frisbee within the air, moves it's way to her like a car going to his destination and hitting a flagpole.

Sam is trying to disagree with them, next to her, trying to tell her that not _all_ boy's are assholes.

But she can't hear him.

She only hears her conscious, and it sounds awfully a lot like her mother.

* * *

><p>Jesse and Rachel start dating after Sam, Kurt and Mercedes warnings.<p>

But something is different now.

At first she was falling for him, (and she would deny it, with every fiber in her body if her mother ever asked her) however now she feels like somebody threw her a rope down the ramp and she had caught it just in time, and is now on her way climbing back up.

He doesn't tell her that he loves her. Although he keeps telling her that he likes her very much, and after two months of dating she thinks it's enough with the whole jumbo jumbo thing and spinning around each other.

(Mostly it's because she's scared that she's going to let go of that rope and fall back inside that dark pitch, waiting for him to catch her.)

She breaks up with him and after she tells her mother, she sighs in release.

Her mother apparently thought that she was falling for Jesse, big time, and was scared that Rachel didn't understand the needs of man, and what they _really_ want.

Just for extra effect, and to be cautious her mother sets her down on the couch in front of their plasma TV and tells her about the things that have happened in her mothers life. And all of that include men breaking her heart.

It's the reason why her mother hunts down rich man, takes every penny out of their pockets, and walks out as a free woman. It's the reason her mother is bitter and angry and is trying to hold Rachel on this so called safe secure path.

She believes it, of course.

Because she's her mother and she wants the best for her.

* * *

><p>Everything her mother had learned her went down hill the day that Sam Evans came to her, and asked her out.<p>

Just like that, out of the blue.

She agrees, because he's a nice guy and she doesn't want to say no.

And when they go out she feels just a bit more happy and her soul lightens just a bit more up.

She figures out after he drops her home that the smile she was wearing was real.

* * *

><p>She starts forgetting her mother's wise words, and starts enjoying herself with Sam. He's different than anybody else, he's just a bit goofy like Finn and just as talent like Jesse only he's very good when it comes to dawning. He's strange, and fun and he loves Avatar. She likes how he can be his self around her, and that she can be herself around him.<p>

He kisses her on one afternoon of their third date, and it's such a soft sweet kiss, she's left with the feeling of wanting more.

He parts away from her, and looks inside her eyes. She's mesmerized with his green orbs and sweet smile, that she's completely somewhere else and wants to stay at that strange place if that means that she can look at him forever.

She pulls his face back to hers, and kisses him, more needy. But it's deep, and passionate, and he goes on and lets his tongue enter her mouth. She accepts it gladly.

She doesn't know it at that moment, but somewhere, back on planet earth, away from their little world, she still has a mother who disagrees with everything that has to do with men and love.

Because according to her mother, those two words don't fit in the same sentence.

* * *

><p>When he asks her to be his girlfriend, he's a bit nervous and scared as he does so. He's scared that she's going to say no, and he's nervous that he's even thinking about doing this.<p>

But he still does, and she say's yes.

He forgets that he is in love with his best friends ex-girlfriend. And thinks about how amazing it is to have her.

* * *

><p>He becomes the longest boyfriend that she's ever had, as they pass the three moths of their relationship.<p>

Finn glares at her whenever they are together, but she can't bring herself to care.

She feels herself falling inside that same pit, only with a different character and strangely she finds it alright.

* * *

><p>She's eating dinner with her mom one night, and her mom starts questioning her relationship with Sam.<p>

It's not a surprise to her that her mother disagrees about it.

''He's only out to hurt you.'' Her mother eats her macaroni, before sipping from her water. ''They all will. I don't want you to get hurt.''

Rachel's starting to feel angry. ''He's not like that.'' She knows he isn't. And it's not the sickening love butterflies talking.

Her mother sighs, putting her glass of water down. ''They all are.''

''Not him.''

''You're not in love, now are you?''

She's doesn't answer. She can't.

Because Rachel doesn't want to lie, it's only going to leave her sick in the end, or say the truth, for it's only going to leave her mother angry in the end.

She takes a bite of her macaroni.

''You are.. Aren't you?'' Her mother splutters in disbelieve. ''Rachel, have you learned nothing, boy's only want-''

''Booty and money.'' She sighs. ''They always want only that.'' She shakes her head. ''He's not like that, you might say every other boy is like that, but he isn't. He's not, _every other boy_.''

He's Sam.

''Honey, honey, honey.'' Her mother say's, tauntingly, as though she feels sorry for Rachel. ''This are all the symptoms of love. It always starts this way. You fall, and then you break.'' Her mother sighs again, putting her spoon down. ''I just want what's best for you. And boy's don't fit into that.''

She wants to cry, but refuses to.

She wants to deny her mother, but she can't.

She wants to yell, and defend Sam, but her mouth is closed.

She stands up, and pushes her chair against the table.

Suddenly she's not so hungry anymore.

* * *

><p>It hurts her, but she has to do it.<p>

And she does.

She breaks up with him in front of his locker.

He's shocked, and confused.

It soon disappears and he becomes angry.

He asks the question many of the other boy's had asked, a simple, yet meaningful, strangled up word, ''_why?'_'

She tells him just about the same, ''it's not you, it's me.''

But he's different, she knows this.

And he laughs, angrily. He doesn't believe this. ''Bullshit. That's bullshit Rachel and you know it.''

She shakes her head, because she can't really believe that she's indeed feeling this damn ache inside her heart. ''Just let it go, Sam.'' Rachel is about to walk away, but his hand grasps her wrist and she doesn't try to pull away from him.

''Tell me the truth Rachel.'' He sounds broken, and it hurts her too much. ''I at least deserve to know the truth.''

Yes he does.

''You're only going to hurt me Sam.'' She turns around, and he looks confused back at her, shocked. ''My mom told me, all boy's are ought to hurt us. It's like that, it always be like that Sam. I have to protect myself.''

And he feels every missing piece of a big large puzzle falling on it's place.

He starts to understand.

''Is that...'' His mouth is open, and he can't really talk. But he can't seem to let go of her wrist either. ''That's why you cheated on Finn, and broke up with Jesse and that baseball player?'' There were more, actually, in her former school. ''Why.. Why did your mom say that?''

She sighs. ''It's just..'' She's thinking it through. ''It happened to her. And she's just trying to protect me, she means well.''

''She screwed you up Rachel!'' It's harsher then he intended to, but it touched the right spot inside her. ''Look what she has done.'' His grip on her wrist loosens and he lets go. ''Just.. Please, don't let her past get between us.. Because, I-I really do love you.''

She looks up at him.

And she falls inside that imaginary pit.

Perhaps she'll never know what real love is, if she never tries reaching for what is down that pit. Maybe he will be standing there at the end, ready to catch her.

And just for this time, just for him, she listens to her heart. And ignores her mother.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Fin<em>**


End file.
